My thoughts on Lady Bits (AKA Vagina)

I would not say I am necessarily one for labels, I don't consider myself to be bi, making out with a girl once during spin the bottle does not constitute someone as bisexual. Adventurous maybe, but not bi. But I can say that I appreciate the human form whether it be male or female.

If you're a beautiful woman I appreciate you, and trust me, I have several lady friends that I think are absolutely gorgeous inside and out, and I know quite a few men who's physiques I admire. But this blog is really all about vaginas.

I do believe there is such a thing as a pretty pussy, with that said I think that a vagina is a vagina in the sense that they all pretty much do the same thing (unless you were not born a woman and had a sex change op), they birth babies, they bleed for the most part, once a month, and uh..... vaginas have feelings.

And sometimes those feelings get the rest of the vag's connected parts into a whole lot of damn trouble. Especially when either A. another vagina is involved or B. a penis is involved.

So.... I tip my hat to vaginas, because P.O.P. is the real deal, and the pussy definitely has power. But ladies, please remember to take care of your lady bits. If you take care of your lady bits, your lady bits will take care of you. And as far as the pretty pussy goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I personally like mine, and I've also seen some that were nice as well.

I'm going to shutup now.

How weight loss companies make their money (and rip you off)

I was online the other day and saw an ad that said: I lost 25 lbs in 17 weeks. 17 weeks???

Let's do the math:

There are roughly 4 or so weeks in a month. 17 divided by 4 is roughly 4 (4x4 is 16), so basically you can lose 25 lbs in months on this diet plan at the rate of 6.25 lbs a month.

*silence*

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. And it is because a lot of consumers don't know any better, that these idiots are making their money, ripping people off who genuinely want to lose weight, but are unaware of their options.

It does not take 4 months to drop 25lbs, it doesn't even take 3 months.... or even two. You can lose 25lbs in a month, and you can do it safely without harming your body. And all these people that tell you rapid weight loss is dangerous, are obviously not aware of how the human body works.

If you put on excess weight and change your diet, your body will automatically shed water weight first and then fat, and it will do so rather quickly, because when your system is working as it should, it will cleanse itself and get rid of fat and toxins that the body does not need. This is also the reason that persons with more weight to lose, lose those first 30 or so pounds so quickly. If you stick to your diet, the more weight you have to lose, the faster it will come off.

Now if you're like me and ONLY have 20-30 lbs to lose, then the weight may take a little longer to come off. But what I'm trying to tell all of you, is that you can lose 25 lbs, in 4-6 weeks, without hurting yourself. I took one look at that ad and thought: Well gee, if I can lose 10-12 lbs in 2 weeks, then that makes absolutely no sense.

So now you're probably wondering okay, if you can lose weight so fast then how do you go about doing it? 1st of all, cancel your subscription to weight watchers and Jenny Craig. You can lose weight and do so without paying someone else to help you.

Weight loss is simple, all you have to do, is cut out all sugar, starches, breads, pastas, rice, sweets, and eat either a low carb, high protein diet, or, if that is not for you, eat fresh vegetables, especially veggies high in iron and calcium ie: fresh leafy greens. OR Eat a combination of high protein and fresh green veggies. Stay away from fruit because fruit has sugar in it. Stay away from starchy veggies. And not only that, but if you do a protein/green veggie diet, you can make food for yourself that you would actually want to eat. You can eat eggs, fish, chicken, steak, salads, stirfry; and what people also don't realize is that there are a TON of recipes that are low in carbs and include fresh vegetables.

And the reason people lose weight so quickly on low carb diets? Sugar and starches make you bloated, thus retaining water, and of course whatever your body doesn't use as energy gets converted to fat. Another thing you have to watch out for: salt. Not just any salt, table salt.

THROW IT AWAY!!!!! Table salt is not only bad for you, but it may be one of the reasons you feel so bloated and retain so much water. Buy sea salt or kosher salt, which actually have cleansing properties that table salt does not, and will not make you bloated. As for sugar, you honestly don't need it, it serves no real nutritional purpose, and if you think about it, humans got all the sugar they needed from foods where sugar occurs naturally. Why do you think diabetes is such an epidemic now? Do you really think it has nothing to do with the shitty american diet? Think again.

Now don't get me wrong, I love sugar, bread, pizza, chocolate, sweets, etc. I'm not going to lie to you about that, but I've had the best results on low carb diets. Now, if you are a vegetarian and do not eat animal protein at all, you can still do low carb, because most leafy vegetables are high in fiber and low in carbohydrates, so for you it's a win/win situation.

Furthermore, don't get me started on prepackaged foods. No matter what anyone tells you, prepackaged meals are one of the worst things you can eat, and many of them have ingredients you wouldn't want in your body if you knew what they did to you. So please, stop giving your money to diet programs, and simply revamp your fridge/cupboards. It will require more discipline to do it yourself, and also, be prepared to do it ALONE.

Another reason diets fail is because people make the mistake of thinking that their friends and family will fully support their diet, but what they don't realize, is that your fam and friends aren't the ones dieting, so they could give two shits if you come over and they're having cake, ice cream and pizza, and you can't have any, and if you cave in and have some, they aren't going to stop you, and then you go home angry with yourself because you ate something that wasn't on your diet.

If you want your diet to be successful, quite simply, avoid all or most human contact. I'm not trying to be funny either; eat alone, and cut off your friends and family for a while and put you and your well being first. If you're serious about losing weight, they won't have any choice but to understand, and if they don't and give you shit for it, then they probably aren't the type of people you want to hang around with anyway. Actually this goes for anything in life: If you really want to be successful at something, keep it to yourself, and be prepared to do it alone. Unless you have one of those rare families that will support any and everything you do, keep your business to yourself and do you. Because in order to be successful, you have to also be selfish.

Some may not agree with that statement, but think about it. If you give something you really want, 100% of your focus, you will get there a hell of a lot faster than if you're distracted by trying to please everybody else. YOU are responsible for YOUR well being. And sometimes being alone isn't about being lonely, it's about getting shit done. So if you spend less time worrying about pissing people off, you'll be a lot better off.

And that's my two cents based on life experience. Your feedback is always welcome, but be prepared I'm sassy.

The Black Hole of Anal Despair

Do you suffer from deeply pigmented genitalia? Is your starfish a little darker than it's cheeky counterparts? Are those petals of love losing their lovely pink glow? Are the twig n berries needing some highlights? Well guess what? Now there's something you can do about it.

It's called anal bleaching, or in the case of non anal, genital bleaching. Yes this is a real procedure, and if you live in Cali chances are you can find someone who specializes in genitalia lightening. However, if you can't find anyone in your area to bleach your cookies, you can order the stuff directly to your home and do the deed yourself.

Apparently anal bleaching is very popular among porn stars who wanted to have a sparkling white hole, or just wanted their goodies to match the surrounding skin and be even toned, especially since those "goodies" would be on camera for all the world to see, up close and personal.

But I guess now some of us regular folks want to have pretty assholes too. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Some women/men are self conscious about ALL aspects of their physical appearance, and want to look their best when bending over and grabbing their ankles. Perfectly fine. Personally speaking, without being TMI, I'm good thanks. I mean I realize that everyone's parts look different, some darker than others in terms of contrast to the rest of their skin color, some have perfectly even toned parts and probably have some of the most er... pleasing to the eye penises and vaginas I've ever seen; but honestly I think that sort of thing is for the complete self centered narcissist. If everything is going great for you and your genitals just happen to be darker than the rest of you, newsflash: That's normal. Quite a few men and women have whoo hoos that are darker than the rest of them, and most of the men I know don't normally care too much what color your cat is so long as you exercise proper hygeine and landscaping maintenance. And most women don't mind weiner shades either, so long as you men wash your freaking balls.

So my take on anal/genital bleaching? If you want to do it, go for it; if you're happy with your dark penis or vajayjay, then don't do it.

And just so you don't think I'm bullshitting you, here's some vids. Have a laugh on me.