My thoughts on Lady Bits (AKA Vagina)

I would not say I am necessarily one for labels, I don't consider myself to be bi, making out with a girl once during spin the bottle does not constitute someone as bisexual. Adventurous maybe, but not bi. But I can say that I appreciate the human form whether it be male or female.

If you're a beautiful woman I appreciate you, and trust me, I have several lady friends that I think are absolutely gorgeous inside and out, and I know quite a few men who's physiques I admire. But this blog is really all about vaginas.

I do believe there is such a thing as a pretty pussy, with that said I think that a vagina is a vagina in the sense that they all pretty much do the same thing (unless you were not born a woman and had a sex change op), they birth babies, they bleed for the most part, once a month, and uh..... vaginas have feelings.

And sometimes those feelings get the rest of the vag's connected parts into a whole lot of damn trouble. Especially when either A. another vagina is involved or B. a penis is involved.

So.... I tip my hat to vaginas, because P.O.P. is the real deal, and the pussy definitely has power. But ladies, please remember to take care of your lady bits. If you take care of your lady bits, your lady bits will take care of you. And as far as the pretty pussy goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I personally like mine, and I've also seen some that were nice as well.

I'm going to shutup now.

How weight loss companies make their money (and rip you off)

I was online the other day and saw an ad that said: I lost 25 lbs in 17 weeks. 17 weeks???

Let's do the math:

There are roughly 4 or so weeks in a month. 17 divided by 4 is roughly 4 (4x4 is 16), so basically you can lose 25 lbs in months on this diet plan at the rate of 6.25 lbs a month.

*silence*

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life. And it is because a lot of consumers don't know any better, that these idiots are making their money, ripping people off who genuinely want to lose weight, but are unaware of their options.

It does not take 4 months to drop 25lbs, it doesn't even take 3 months.... or even two. You can lose 25lbs in a month, and you can do it safely without harming your body. And all these people that tell you rapid weight loss is dangerous, are obviously not aware of how the human body works.

If you put on excess weight and change your diet, your body will automatically shed water weight first and then fat, and it will do so rather quickly, because when your system is working as it should, it will cleanse itself and get rid of fat and toxins that the body does not need. This is also the reason that persons with more weight to lose, lose those first 30 or so pounds so quickly. If you stick to your diet, the more weight you have to lose, the faster it will come off.

Now if you're like me and ONLY have 20-30 lbs to lose, then the weight may take a little longer to come off. But what I'm trying to tell all of you, is that you can lose 25 lbs, in 4-6 weeks, without hurting yourself. I took one look at that ad and thought: Well gee, if I can lose 10-12 lbs in 2 weeks, then that makes absolutely no sense.

So now you're probably wondering okay, if you can lose weight so fast then how do you go about doing it? 1st of all, cancel your subscription to weight watchers and Jenny Craig. You can lose weight and do so without paying someone else to help you.

Weight loss is simple, all you have to do, is cut out all sugar, starches, breads, pastas, rice, sweets, and eat either a low carb, high protein diet, or, if that is not for you, eat fresh vegetables, especially veggies high in iron and calcium ie: fresh leafy greens. OR Eat a combination of high protein and fresh green veggies. Stay away from fruit because fruit has sugar in it. Stay away from starchy veggies. And not only that, but if you do a protein/green veggie diet, you can make food for yourself that you would actually want to eat. You can eat eggs, fish, chicken, steak, salads, stirfry; and what people also don't realize is that there are a TON of recipes that are low in carbs and include fresh vegetables.

And the reason people lose weight so quickly on low carb diets? Sugar and starches make you bloated, thus retaining water, and of course whatever your body doesn't use as energy gets converted to fat. Another thing you have to watch out for: salt. Not just any salt, table salt.

THROW IT AWAY!!!!! Table salt is not only bad for you, but it may be one of the reasons you feel so bloated and retain so much water. Buy sea salt or kosher salt, which actually have cleansing properties that table salt does not, and will not make you bloated. As for sugar, you honestly don't need it, it serves no real nutritional purpose, and if you think about it, humans got all the sugar they needed from foods where sugar occurs naturally. Why do you think diabetes is such an epidemic now? Do you really think it has nothing to do with the shitty american diet? Think again.

Now don't get me wrong, I love sugar, bread, pizza, chocolate, sweets, etc. I'm not going to lie to you about that, but I've had the best results on low carb diets. Now, if you are a vegetarian and do not eat animal protein at all, you can still do low carb, because most leafy vegetables are high in fiber and low in carbohydrates, so for you it's a win/win situation.

Furthermore, don't get me started on prepackaged foods. No matter what anyone tells you, prepackaged meals are one of the worst things you can eat, and many of them have ingredients you wouldn't want in your body if you knew what they did to you. So please, stop giving your money to diet programs, and simply revamp your fridge/cupboards. It will require more discipline to do it yourself, and also, be prepared to do it ALONE.

Another reason diets fail is because people make the mistake of thinking that their friends and family will fully support their diet, but what they don't realize, is that your fam and friends aren't the ones dieting, so they could give two shits if you come over and they're having cake, ice cream and pizza, and you can't have any, and if you cave in and have some, they aren't going to stop you, and then you go home angry with yourself because you ate something that wasn't on your diet.

If you want your diet to be successful, quite simply, avoid all or most human contact. I'm not trying to be funny either; eat alone, and cut off your friends and family for a while and put you and your well being first. If you're serious about losing weight, they won't have any choice but to understand, and if they don't and give you shit for it, then they probably aren't the type of people you want to hang around with anyway. Actually this goes for anything in life: If you really want to be successful at something, keep it to yourself, and be prepared to do it alone. Unless you have one of those rare families that will support any and everything you do, keep your business to yourself and do you. Because in order to be successful, you have to also be selfish.

Some may not agree with that statement, but think about it. If you give something you really want, 100% of your focus, you will get there a hell of a lot faster than if you're distracted by trying to please everybody else. YOU are responsible for YOUR well being. And sometimes being alone isn't about being lonely, it's about getting shit done. So if you spend less time worrying about pissing people off, you'll be a lot better off.

And that's my two cents based on life experience. Your feedback is always welcome, but be prepared I'm sassy.

The Black Hole of Anal Despair

Do you suffer from deeply pigmented genitalia? Is your starfish a little darker than it's cheeky counterparts? Are those petals of love losing their lovely pink glow? Are the twig n berries needing some highlights? Well guess what? Now there's something you can do about it.

It's called anal bleaching, or in the case of non anal, genital bleaching. Yes this is a real procedure, and if you live in Cali chances are you can find someone who specializes in genitalia lightening. However, if you can't find anyone in your area to bleach your cookies, you can order the stuff directly to your home and do the deed yourself.

Apparently anal bleaching is very popular among porn stars who wanted to have a sparkling white hole, or just wanted their goodies to match the surrounding skin and be even toned, especially since those "goodies" would be on camera for all the world to see, up close and personal.

But I guess now some of us regular folks want to have pretty assholes too. Nothing wrong with that I suppose. Some women/men are self conscious about ALL aspects of their physical appearance, and want to look their best when bending over and grabbing their ankles. Perfectly fine. Personally speaking, without being TMI, I'm good thanks. I mean I realize that everyone's parts look different, some darker than others in terms of contrast to the rest of their skin color, some have perfectly even toned parts and probably have some of the most er... pleasing to the eye penises and vaginas I've ever seen; but honestly I think that sort of thing is for the complete self centered narcissist. If everything is going great for you and your genitals just happen to be darker than the rest of you, newsflash: That's normal. Quite a few men and women have whoo hoos that are darker than the rest of them, and most of the men I know don't normally care too much what color your cat is so long as you exercise proper hygeine and landscaping maintenance. And most women don't mind weiner shades either, so long as you men wash your freaking balls.

So my take on anal/genital bleaching? If you want to do it, go for it; if you're happy with your dark penis or vajayjay, then don't do it.

And just so you don't think I'm bullshitting you, here's some vids. Have a laugh on me.

I've Got Dreams To Remember

Last night I dreamt me and another person turned into wolves. Therefore I am changing my name to "Runs With Wolves", because literally that's what I was doing, and there were several of them. They were not aggressive, didn't try to attack me, they just growled and barked and howled a lot.

The dream continued and a native american man appeared in the dream wearing a full headdress and we proceeded to have a full on conversation about the spirit world and all things me. If you know me, you know that many of my dreams have prophetic value and on occasion I wake up in other peoples homes (I'll explain that some other time). I haven't the slightest idea why I dream the way I do, and why from time to time I have deja vu involving places I dream about that I'd never been to, and well... I end up in these places and remember them from my dreams when I see them.

Some say that dreams are the gateway to the subconscious, the gateway to the spirit world, the astral plane, or maybe all of the above. I do believe that dreams have a lot to do with our subconscious and what's going on in our lives, and I also believe that our lives and our subconscious are directly linked to the non physical. Of course depending on what you've been brought up to believe, this may be total bullhockey to you; but based on my own experience it's very much a part of my life.

In regards to dreams, depending on the dream and how tired I am, I'd say about 80% give or take, of my dreams, I don't remember. I will remember bits and pieces most of the time, but it's rare that I remember a full dream, and when I do remember a full dream, or a large chunk of a dream, it's usually something I pay attention to.

That's it really, just wanted to blog about my dream because it was a unique one for me. See you on the other side.

Free Trial Gets Got

I'm sure a lot of you have seen those free trials for everything from diet pills to herbal health supplements, where you get a 2-4 (14 to 30 day) trial of a product, and if you like it you keep it and they send you more and bill you.

I've done a few of those, okay I've done several of them, and for the most part I can tell you that most of the products are not worth the 70+ dollars they try to bill you for after you place the order. I can also tell you that in some cases they start billing you before your order has even arrived. Yes the order does get to you, but it can take up to two weeks for them to ship your order, so by the time you get it, your free trial is up.

It's a bogus load of bullshit. First of all, if you're going to offer a free trial, the trial should start AFTER the order has been received, not after you place the order, and if it's a 30 day trial, you shouldn't start billing someone's cc after 2 weeks.

These companies are ripping people off, oh and the best? Most of these products are worth maybe 20.00 a bottle at the most. So why are they billing people over 70 to 80.00 a bottle, or 80 per 2 bottles (which still is not worth it)?

I am in and of the mind that if something says free trial, then it should be just that, free. And because I'm a crafty woman, I have gotten most of my trial products, for no more than the shipping I paid for them. You see, in the trial deals, they say you pay nothing but around 5.00 for shipping, so that's what I pay for, and not a damn dime more.

And I can tell you that most of these companies probably hate my guts.

Here's my advice, if you want to try out one of those free trials? Don't use a major credit card. That's number one. I would tell you what kind of CC to use but that would be letting the cat out of the bag.

My other advice is, DO NOT get any of the acai berry or resveratrol trials. Most of them are made with fillers and some of the supplements are made with caffeine in them to give them that potent kick. Do not get any acai supplements made from "extract" because they don't work. If you get acai berry get it in powdered form in capsules made from the whole berry and make sure they do not contain seeds. The powdered berry caps sell for around 20-30.00 and there are a few co's that make the pure acai pulp powder capsules, and a powder for making smoothies if you don't want the capsules.

As for resveratrol, same thing, if you buy it make sure it contains no fillers, Res V costs around 30.00 a bottle, so far I've seen two reputable co's that make the stuff that seem legit, the rest are iffy and most are offering the bogus free trial and do not offer a lot information. In my experience, and this is my advice to anyone: If a co. cannot tell you what's in the bottle, don't buy it. Point blank. I don't trust any co. that tries to sell you something and nowhere on the website are the ingredients listed.

Other products I've gotten free trials of that work? Aside from Acai and ResV which I said NOT to get from a free trial co. there are a few legit companies offering free trials. One is Juvenon, which makes resV, and honestly that's the only legit company that I've seen so far.

So there's my free trial story for the day. Stay away from free trials for Acai and ResV, if you would like more info on which sites sell the legitimate supplements you guys know where to find me, I don't work for these people so I'm not about to start advertising.

New Orleans and The Vagina Monologues - A Brazilian Experience

I am no longer a brazilian bikini wax virgin. Hell I'm no longer a bikini wax virgin. I went all the way out and did the unthinkable, and waxed an area that had never been waxed before.

So what was it like? Uh.... honestly? It hurt. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that my first brazilian bikini wax experience was anything but painful. I'll put it to you like this: As I had been forewarned by others, everyone's experience is different, everyone's skin is not the same, hair is not the same, threshold for pain is not the same; but the first time - I have been told - is the worst in regards to discomfort.

But I took it like a trooper, closed my eyes, and let a complete stranger handle the goods down south. Yeah... I flinched a few times, but like I said, I was a very good, calm, first timer. There was no screaming, no YEEEOOOOOWWWWWing, and a few times during the procedure I managed to have an out of body experienced that helped me get through it. It always helps when you can mentally go to your happy place while in a compromising and uncomfortable position.

Some spots were uh... more "ouchy" than others, but the end result? FABULOUS! I don't have to shave anything, no extra maintenance required, and my cat was a happy one. All in all I was more nervous about showing a complete stranger my china cabinet, than I was about getting it done.

So you're probably wondering, will I do it again? OF COURSE! Mind you I'll have to find someone locally to go to, but I'm all for repeating the experience. The spa I went to in New Orleans was a very nice one, don't ask me what the name of it was, it was inside a hotel and honestly I don't remember, I just remember it was near where I was staying and within walking distance.

And what about the rest of my New Orleans experience? I LOVED IT!!!! NOLA is going on my favorite cities list. My favorite cities so far being New York (okay so I'm biased cuz I'm actually from there), Vegas, the L.A. and surrounding area, can you tell I like BUSY cities? What gave it away? We won't talk about my least favorite cities, I actually only have one on that list, let's not go there, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I'm not going to go into full detail about my trip because if you're on the other site you've already read about it, but for those wondering, I had to blog about all things Brazilian because I had promised to do so. Hope you enjoyed it.

Michael Jackson

In all fairness - and I really am all about fairness - MJ had a rough life. Granted he could have turned it around and changed certain things, but when you snatch someone out of their childhood, rob them of having a childhood, and stick them into the limelight at such a young age, what you get is what you get.

I don't think it was fair. I mean yes, both he and Janet are two of the most successful stars in the entertainment business and have had a long running; The Jacksons were very successful as a group. But at what price?

MJ had a lot of demons, but you can never say that man didn't have talent, he had more than talent, and it's sad to see someone so misunderstood and so talented being constantly bashed and mocked by the media. I don't think he deserved all of that. Yeah we all know about the negative stories we've heard, but honestly who really has a right to say who or what he is?

I think it's time for all of us to take a step back and think about the fact that, a lot of us do from time to time get caught up in an artist personal life, and we get the personal mixed up with the public. And we also seem to forget that while they are in the public eye a lot, these people do have private lives, personal lives, and as a human being we do not have the right to interfere with that.

How would you feel if it was you who's personal life was constantly invaded and you couldn't go anywhere without getting your picture taken, unless you went somewhere desolate and devoid of media implants? Some say that once you become famous, your life belongs to everyone else. I disagree. No matter where you are in life, your life belongs to you. And ultimately you are the only person that YOU have to answer to.

If MJ had decided he was done with showbiz and wanted to live out the rest of his life as a recluse, and stay home and raise his kids, I don't think I would blame him one bit. I think he wanted what anybody wants, to be happy, to be around people he cared for and vice versa; I just don't think he had the right outlets around him when he was younger, and being so young and constantly in the spotlight, that can take its toll on a person. We all need private time, alone time, time to reconnect. Maybe now he finally has that, and his spirit can be at peace.

His music will always be with us. And for his talent, his gift, and his music, I thank him. I grew up listening to his music and his music was a huge part of my childhood. He is truly an artist I will never forget.